#not bc i dont like them but just theyre so awkward reconnecting and they have an audience (hiccup&gobber) and it gives me second hand embar

[sezija]

I just watched the Watching and the Dreaming scene of HTTYD2 fully without skipping any bits for the first time and

[littlebigafterdark]

patton's asthma attack and finally agreeing to try therapy

content warnings: hurt/comfort, detailed description of asthma attack, very brief mention of past eating disorder, crying (i always hav that tho)

i copy pasted this from mine and livs discord convo so thats why it might be formatted weird and i swear a lot also if you see "hhh yeah" then thats liv commenting hshshsh

patton has had a cough the past few days because BASICALY since priscilla (remys cat) visited hes been more breathless with his asthma but he didnt tell anyone bc he doesnt want to worry them or make it so vee never get to see priscilla again if she cant visit anymore

so his asthma is acting up but he ignores it - and hes had asthma cough for a couple days (which is a sign of an incoming asthma attack) but again hes ignoring it, hes so used to brushing off symptoms he doesnt click what it means and he diesn ttake his inhaler when he needs it

WAAAHH oh fuck oh my god oh god wait fuck i just realised

the moment patton gets his asthma attack its saturday afternoon, roman is little and playing with logan and vee isnt quite little yet but fae's on faer way there, fae is very giggly and playful and patton says "okay babygirl, lets go get you changed!"

and when he gets up from the couch he takes a moment to cough and just stand still a sec bc he got suddenly dizzy but he pushed through it to not worry vee, and he actually usually lifts her onto his hip straight away, but this time he very subtly is like "okay hold daddys hand while we walk to the stairs"

so they get to the stairs and patton of course lifts vee up, and theyre only a few steps up when pattons breathing gets really heavy. it makes vee frown and look at him and say "daddy am i heavy?"

and patton smiles and shakes his head, because hes too breathless to speak. but he pushes through and hurries up as fast as possible

once theyre at the top of the stairs, patton is wheezing. his chest is rattling and whistling and he suddenly loses his smile and quickly hurries away from the stairs to place vee gently on the hallway floor, and as soon as vee is safe patton wobbily sinks to his knees and leans his head against the wall. his eyes shut tight trying so so hard to breath but its realy whistly now

and vee of course panics. "dady? papa are you okay??" and whimpers when patton doesnt react and clutches at his chest

and it throws her out of her semi regression. she jumps up and hurries downstairs, a little wobbily but ultimately fine. and she speints to where logan and riman are and yells "daddys h havin a panic attack!" and instantly starts crying

logan and roman were in the middle of a game and smiling and laughing but as SOON as they hear that they jump into action. logan runs out of the room to go to patton and roman grows up and runs to vee and lifts her up to shush her cries and calm her down - they dont even share a single look before they do this, they both just instinctively know what to do

and logan of course finds patton and realises its an asthma attack not a panic attack - he goes into his emergency like emotionless mode where he just gets the job done. he asks clearly where patton keeps his inhaler and patton just shakes his head. so logan alarmed asks "you dont have a reliever inhaler??" and patton winces and shakes his head again.

logan sprints to his room into his bedside drawer to find tthe inhaler he keeps for emergencies double checking it hasnt expired

he sits with his legs around patton, patton leaned back agains his torso, and puffs pattons inhaler for him and times the attack and the puffs (knowing that if it isnt better after ten puffs and fifteen minutes they have to call an ambulance) and using his own deep breaths against pats back to help him recalibrate his breathing

luckily it only lasts 8 and a half minutes and 8 puffs - but logan is so so shaken about the fact that that was very close to requiring medical assistance, he had his ohone out ready to dial 911

once pattons attack is over he's finally breathing, short and deep at first gasping in the oxygen, but within a few more minutes of sitting against logan it slows down and is much calmer. hes very shaky because the reliever inhaler does that to you, and weak from the tax on his body, so logan helps him up into their nearest bedroom (pattons)

at first he calls roman to swap places with him and watch over patton hust so logan can change vee into a diaper since she regressed from fear as soon as roman picked her up and obv he cant change her diaper

so roman sits with patton while logan does that and roman is actually really quiet and awkward and nervous, just looking wide eyed at patton and hugging himself.

and patton feels bad abt that and whispers "its okay little prince, daddys not hurt. im sorry for scaring you, honey" and roman just chews his lip and nods and looks down and they dont talk again until logan is back and roman goes out to take care of vee and logan comes in to lie with patton and rub his chest soothingly

logan is distressed and frustrated and shaken at that point but he knows not to have their conversation until the next day bc patton will be emotionally and physically exhausted

but the next day they have a serious talk - logans pretty ANGRY that patton was so ignorant of his wellbeing that he didnt refill his inhaler, patton brushes it off but logan says its a good thing he secretly kept one for patton (bc he almost suspected this might happen)

it rly hits patton when logan tells him if he had needed anymore puffs than he took they wouldve had to phone an ambulance - like patton not wanting to worry his family by admitting his asthma was acting up backfired way more and has made them worry even more because he had a full attack that could have gone so much worse

the whole conversation is VERY stern and serious even at the start when patton smiles and chuckles and jokes and brushes it off logan just gets frustrated and upset. logan is SO angry literally he is glaring at patton when patton brushes it off and makes jokes abt it and he snaps.

logan actually very seriously tells patton this is self harm and patton goes WHAT nonono no its not i dont know why youre getting so worked up

and logan fucking SNAPS like "Youre not giving your body what it needs to survive because you dont think your worth that!! you're neglecting your basic needs to the point of needing urgent medical care, doesnt that sound familiar??? doesnt that sound like something we've both been through before???" clearly referencing his eating disorder

and pattons eyes go wide and he profusely apologises hes like im so sorry oh my gosh logan honey im sorry did i trigger you im sorry and logans just like STOP APOLOGISING this isnt about me its about you!

and he sso angry bc he thought they trusted each other but the fact that patton didnt tell him when he literally couldnt breathe is so scary to logan

but that is basically an argument bc logan was so fucking worried and devastated that patton has ignored his health to such an extent and vee gets nervous bc both her and roman can hear them yelling and she thinks the cgs will breakup bc they "had a fight"

but once theyre finished talking and vee shakily asks if theyre not gonna be a family anymore they'll of course comfort faer and talk abt it, its not a fight its a disagreement and mummys and daddys have those sometimes. theyre still a family and they still love each other very very much. they all soend their family day together as usual, though patton isnt as able to get up and play with roman understandably

also the fact this all comes around the same week patton and logan tell vee that janus wants to babysit, thats why patton has been absent from the blog recently i guess bc hes been keeping busy trying to work through his feelings of janus wanting to come in

hhh yeah... the way it lines up to patton's other insecurities abt janus coming into the family and it all just piles on too much all at once

so on monday morning logan goes with patton to get more inhalers and they actually stay out for while like they go to a forest or smth just to be alone and help patton recenter a little - he's always loved being in nature, it really brings him a lot of peace, being in nature is really the best way to keep patton grounded from his dissociation, thats why hes always gardening

and logan doesnt want to be angry at him and he knows patton needs support and comfort atm even is patton doesnt think he does so they have a calm day just being together and logan trying to remind patton that hes there for him

HHH stop bc they YEAH bc they kinda had a fight even though it did get 'resolved' but they needed to take time to reconnect their energies and like show each other (and specifically logan show patton) that their love is still secure and their friendship is still strong - just the quiet care of logan taking patton somewhere they can just be alone without responsibilities

secretly patton was rlly upset that logan got angry with him but he didnt show it but logan KNOWS him and he knows he needs to fix it with queality time (pats love lang) because pattons been alone a lot recently, its just been that he keeps busy and accidentaly distanced himself bc the others would all be busy and hanging out in some way and he fet a bit abandoned but yeah logan is dedicating the whole day to him

and patton does end up talking abt his inner turmoil a little but not until theyre like in the middle of the forest and hes a lot calmer and theres no one around, he just feels so much calmer and safer in nature to open up like that.

and this is when patton tells logan about his worries about janus becoming closer to vee, and how its lovely for them but what if it hurts vee, what if they dont get along, what if they DO get along and vee wants to move back with janus. Logan doesnt say anything to the worries, he knows patton just needs to blurt them out while he can, while it mixes with the sounds of nature.

then patton mentions quietly that dr picani phoned him a couple weeks ago and told him that he would like to offer patton a trial session of therapy - not with vee, just patton. logan very calmly asks if that sounds like sometnging that might be helpful for patton and patton just giggles nervously "um i dont know. Vee has therapy"

logan frowns. "yes she does. but that doesnt mean you cant have it too, if you would like it"

patton goes quiet and looks anxious, scratching at the moss on the log theyve sat down on. so logan takes his hand and looks very earnestly at him and says gently "i would like you to at least accept the trial session. It is your decision but... i think it might be worth a try"

patton nods a little, just looking at their intertwined fingers. and after a long silence where they can just hear the birds tweeting and the wind rustling the leaves and small animals scurrying along the grass, patton finally looks up at logan and breathes "i'll go to therapy"

and when patton says that out loud suddenly his eyes well up and he sees logan smile at him - a little sad and a lot proud - and feels his hand squeeze and the tears just dont stop coming and he hides his eyes but laughs nervously like haha dont know why im crying this is so silly! but logan doesnt say anything to it, he just pulls patton into his side and rests his head on pattons head...

and patton keeps trying to laugh and joke but its so choked and sad and nervous and wet and logan wraps his other arm around patton too and just grntly whispers "pumpkin, its okay if youre not happy right now."

and patton just starts sobbing into logans shoulder and logan holds him so tight as they sit on the log

patton cant cope with silence when its about him yknow, he couldnt handle logan not laughing or tutting at his jokes so he just kept joking until logan insisted its ok to be sad

so once they get home logan sits with pstton while he phones dr picani and books his first solo therapy session for friday morning

[foxcassius]

okay y’all, opinions on love by chance vs uwma, scroll past if u dont give a fuck

uwma is the 4th thai drama i’ve ever seen, love by chance was the first, and these are the only two that really really stick out to me. the other two, 2moons and sotus, were good and i liked them, but this post isn’t abt them bc today i’m talking about my, current, favorites. editing to say that i should mention for anyone reading who’s unaware that lbc and uwma are also made by the same studio and share a director, so comparing them makes more sense than comparing shows made by different studios and people.

uwma embodies my favorite trope, and no it is not necessarily the soulmate trope. while soulmates does, as a trope, usually embody the aspects of my favorite trope, my all-time favorite bl, sekaiichi hatsukoi, wouldnt fall under soulmates, and sekaiichi is where my favorite trope comes from, it was the first thing i ever watched that has this trope. my favorite trope is people who once knew or dated each other reconnecting years and years later, sometimes in a different life counts if they have memories from the past life, and ultimately everything works out the second time around. idk why it’s my favorite trope, i just know i went hard to some sekaiichi in 2012, and ever since anything that reminds me of sekaiichi even a little gets a big fucking thumbs up.

because uwma has this, it has obviously stuck out to me. i also really enjoy the main couple—even more, to be honest, than i enjoyed ae and pete in lbc. i also absolutely ADORE the soundtrack, the instrumental background music is very very good, though i don’t think any theme song will ever trump the lbc theme for me bc that shit just. goes too hard. i also feel like the acting in uwma is very very good. dare i say? better than lbc. which honestly may just come with more experience from the director and studio, but seeing as the actors are not the same, it’s hard to tell what the cause is. but the crying scenes in uwma are almost bearable, whereas seeing a person cry in lbc always made me like. idk, uncomfortable?? which might have been the point idk but if it was purposeful then that was a bold move. there has also been so much improvement when it comes to the camera shots. lbc wasnt bad, but the shots weren’t really artistic or daring imo. uwma has so so so many shots that are just LOVELY to me. particularly, the first one that comes to mind is the shot of sin on the phone with dean when dean is asking him to look for info on korn and intouch. the purples? the oranges? the perfect balance of shadow? and jesus fucking CHRIST don’t even get me STARTED on the chasxter design for sin, so absolutely fucking *chef’s kiss* where’s the spinoff about sin and sorn i need it fr does it already exist i know nothing about thai dramas.

okay well since i started now i have to go off about the character designs and casting choices. idk the names of these actors well bc i’m not following any of them on social media (yet) but the actor they cast for pharm is fucking phenomenal. he pulls of those awkward smiles and cringes so much better and more convincingly than i’ve seen other actors do with his character type. i love that he like genuinely seems like he could be a college freshman (but don’t even talk to me about how dean looks 30) lots of shows, like 2moons, seem to be “what college freshmen think their life is like while they’re in the middle of it” and others, like lbc and uwma, are like “what college freshmen actually look and act like, you weirdos.” of course, i would, can, and will die for sammy melanie coates, she’s officially my favorite actress in the thai drama world and i didnt even know she was in uwma but when it started up and it was eyes on manaow i almost died!!!!!!!! i love her she’s an amazing actress. and it was super fun to catch glimpses of actors i do know from lbc in secondary and tertiary roles in uwma, tho i’m sad that mean gets typecast as “other guy” so much bc i genuinely love him. and finally, the character design for sin can just strike me down where i fuckin stand, talk about callout post for me in the middle of this thai drama i’m just. i love it.

this is a side note, but i also like that pharm is on the less waifish side. bl is terrible about the set DYNAMIC of big seme willowy uke, even lbc had me like :/ with saint playing pete and playing him In Such A Way like idk i know that plenty of gay people ARE effeminate and all but i do very much enjoy castings, specifically in bl dramas which have such a track record, that break that stereotype.

i don’t think it’s over yet, which i didn’t know when i started it, but the most recent episode was posted like 2 days ago so i hold hope for another episode or two. if not that, it clearly needs another season. seeing as how it is definitely not over, i can’t judge for sure what my overall impression of the series as a whole will be. however, as it stands, i don’t think uwma makes me doki as hard as lbc, and this is 10000% bc of tin and can.

what can i say bro? tincan is one of my favorite couples from anything ever. there is something so fucking good and entertaining about their dynamic, and the way the characters grow and their emotions develop is so so good to me, and the scene where can turns tin down For Real at the end of season 1 absolutely blows me away every time, i cry irl bro!! there is something ABOUT tin and can, something about the actors, something about the way theyre played that i can’t get over. when i think about lbc and i Die, it’s not dying over ae and pete, even though i like them very much. it’s dying over tin and can. i literally can’t think of how to put my opinions on this into words, they just genuinely affected me. they’re a gem in the dumpster fire that is bl.

so anyway, long story short i think uwma is overall? a better series. but lbc owns my ass specifically bc of tincan.